Autumn

It's autumn again. It seems like only yesterday that you were celebrating the start of summer. 

Leggings and cardigans starts appearing along with students who are preparing for the beginning of a new school year. 

The air doesn't hung with warm humid air and the sun didn't seem to scotch your skin as much. Although the temperature is still high, you know that autumn has begun. 

Autumn for many, marks change. Toddlers become grade school kids; high-schoolers move on to college. It's all about growing up, leaving and becoming the person you're not sure if you're ready to become. 

It's the time to get lost, to wander and to face new challenges. 

Modern Time Capsule

I found the iPod touch at the bottom of my drawer and maybe I could put it into good use...

As I charge up the old gadget, the old familiar iOS look up at me. This was the piece of metal that helped me through the darkest days of my life. Whenever I was feeling sad and depressed I would listen to songs that block out my frustrations. I would spend my time playing the mini games on to make me forget my worries. I would type my feelings into the Notes where it would absorb and make my troubles disappear. I would store our pictures into the photo albums and sneak a peak when faces become burry. I would put my hopes into the small square with the blue "S" that could connect us...

These were the memories that I have forgotten, stored safe and sound in the little 4 inch rectangle.

I look at these bittersweet memories and thought of all the difficult nights that I went through, all the happiness and sadness...

That was the me years ago, and the you who still loved me then - lock and preserved in the 8GB of memory.

The Negative Project

Trust me, not a pretty sight.

It's not the first time I have done this. I have noticed my uncontrollable eating.  I have been doing it for the past year and I couldn't stop.

I keep putting food into my mouth even when I knew that I couldn't eat anymore. My hands and my mind are from a completely different body. My mind is giving feeble attempts for my hands to stop but my hands are just too aggressive.

It is like a game of trying to see how much food my stomach can hold, until it all comes up again. Each time I bow to the water closet and feeding it with food and come up with a note of thanks, it's almost like a one-person act. I have done this often enough to actually feel it, taking everything in and noticing my actions.

Some people call it an eating disorder, but I just felt like it was eating the whole meal again except backwards and in the wrong place.